estimated reading time: 3 minutes

While she grasps firmly on the stone underneath her, the water, flowing seemingly slowly inside the cracks of the stone’s heap, touches her foot.

What would it be like to control it? What would it feel like if I was one with this big wave? Would I feel bad if I was whirling fast as the water vortex? Would I be in pain if I was infringed against those great stones?

She takes a little step towards her own hands, bending her knees in, but she stretches her neck out, and feels a surge of wind rushing against her; nonetheless she raises her head. She flings a piercing gaze towards it. In front of her an unsettling creature stands still. Pitch black, wide, unshaped, its entire body foaming; a buzz is audible coming from where it stands. The girl and the creature engage in an eye-to-eye fight, staring intently at each other. She slowly crawls towards the end of the stones, getting closer to the black creature, and never parts her eyes from its. The buzzing doesn’t bother her, the only sound her ears perceive being the big wave roaring. Touching it first with a fingertip, she reaches the end of the stone’s surface. Then, it all explodes.

“You didn’t stand up for yourself.” I should have stood up for myself. The creature grows bigger.

“You hid your feelings.” I shouldn’t have trapped my feelings inside. The buzzing has transformed in a resonating series of disturbing voices.

“You submitted.” I shouldn’t have lowered my head. The volume is nearly deafening.

“Your opinion is so futile.” Is it? The creature gets closer.

“You never have anything interesting to say. Why don’t you just shut up?” Why don’t I just shut up?

“It doesn’t even make a difference if you speak. Nobody is going to notice if you don’t.”

The girl diverts her gaze from the black mass. The voices all become one sharp cry. The black mass starts spreading all around the stones, the only stable support in the whole scenery.

The girl raises her head once again. I know I do matter. She suddenly feels a sprout of heat around her calves. She reaches down with her hand. The end of her transparent, light, floating dress starts to solidify just as she takes it inside her hand. Her skin burns. She looks down and sees a sharp piece of ice.

Breath in, breath out. She stares into the creature’s eyes and then stabs it with the improvised weapon.

“You are spineless. Just a coward.” The creature dissolves all around the girl’s body, lingering in the air.

Panic. How the fuck is it still here?

“You never take decisions. Your life is an endless being dragged along. You don’t even have the guts to escape.”

I am not spineless. I am not a coward.

The end of her dress, before solidified into ice, starts to turn into water, foaming fiercely.

She stares at the big wave, now alarmingly fast approaching towards her. The water inside the stones’ cracks is not flowing slowly anymore. It’s as fast as the water whirling in the vortex a few meters away. The disturbing sound of the creature is now covered by the roaring of the water. It’s so strong the girl feels her ears pulsating. She gazes one last time into the creature’s arrogant eyes.

I made my decision.

She gathers her strength and jumps off the stone’s surface. Water in her face, water all around her body.

So, that’s what it feels like.

by Sara Marongiu